SOS: Is God Disappointed in Me?

I never know how to start these. It seems weird to just jump straight to the point, ya know?

You came here to entertained and here I go, refusing to beat around the bush.

But this topic feels more important, so let’s not waste any more time.

About a month or so ago, I went to the doctor for a general wellness check-up. Because it was my first time at this new provider, we ran through a long series of questions together about my overall health.

For the most part, I’m pretty healthy. I told him I’d recently lost some weight and I started a pretty consistent exercise schedule, but I was still having trouble with tight chest pains and shallow breathing.

After about 10 minutes of conversation around what could be causing these symptoms (and a 50-question quiz later), my doctor looked at me and said, “Carlie, it looks like you struggle with pretty severe anxiety.”

On par for my personality, I said, “Oh, no. It’s actually not that bad.”

To this, he read back my answers to some of his questions.

Do you struggle with fear? Everyday.

Do you feel physical symptoms of anxiety (chest/stomach pains)? Everyday.

Do you worry about other people? Everyday.

When you struggle with something like anxiety, it’s often not something you can put into words. So, hearing him read back all of my statements, I was crushed.

I suppose a healthy response to hearing this would have been to accept this truth and plan my next steps accordingly. But instead, I went into denial.

And not because I thought my doctor was wrong, or that I thought there was anything wrong with people that have anxiety. Instead, I felt guilty.

(Behold: one of the most toxic character traits to have as a Christian, in my opinion.)

Does anyone else live with this unspoken dread of letting God down? Like, if I accept that I have anxiety, that must mean that I don’t trust God with my life.

Or if I fear the future, it MUST be because I don’t believe that He is my way, my lamp unto my path, my Alpha and my Omega.

I truly felt a weight-crushing guilt that I needed to ask for help. Now a few weeks later, I’m in a better place, so writing this seems absurd.

If a friend came to you and asked for help moving into a new home, you wouldn’t think less of them for not being strong enough to lift everything on their own, would you? No! You’d be more than willing to help.

And this is the truth that I eventually had to come to. God does not think less of me for needing help.

My Mom told me once, “God gives us the strength to overcome, but He also gives us the wisdom to know when we can’t fight our battles on our own.”

I had to sit down and ask myself, “Is this the answer you have for me, God?”

As I’ve navigated through the waters of productively overcoming anxiety and depression, I’ve seen so much of His grace and peace through the process.

Romans 8:35 says, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

We are more than conquerors. Nothing we could do, or struggle with, could separate us from God.

Just because I struggle with anxiety does not mean I’m not thankful for the endless blessings in my life. It just means I need to praise Him through this storm.

I don’t feel shame for taking medicine because I know that God has a plan for me.

If you’re struggling with worry, anxiety, or depression, I urge you to seek two things:

-the Word

-a doctor

Use the scripture to encourage you out of sadness into His love and joy, but by all means, see a doctor if you realize the Lord is leading you down a different path.

Needing help does not make you a weak or bad Christian. Having the faith to believe that the Lord will carry you through this season, just as He has promised, will only strengthen your heart.

For we live by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

So where do you turn next?

For more information about mental health, visit this site.

For more information about fighting through anxiety as a Christ follower, check out the recent series from Life.Church called Anxious for Nothing.

For daily encouragement through the Word, visit Bible.com.